Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize