im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
