Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
