I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
