Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think my moral compass just broke
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
