How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
