Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I am available for nakedness
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
