I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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