We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is the high leading the old right now
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
