I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
