he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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