Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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