Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
