I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
