you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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