i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
