Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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