Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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