just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
