why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
