I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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