Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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