You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
