i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
