Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
