also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
As shirtless as possible
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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