Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
