You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
