wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
love makes seman taste better
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
