i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize