If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
