Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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