I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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