He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
