Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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