He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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