Swine flu. Run for my life!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
