i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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