It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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