I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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