So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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