i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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