Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
