Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
