just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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