he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
