Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
