So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
FUCK WHALES
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
