Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize