I'm really into asian looking animals
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
