and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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