they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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