I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
