Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
