I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
