the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Come on in and take your pants off
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