I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
