Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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