i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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