i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
