they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize