You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
