toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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