don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
