Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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