I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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