This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm passing your future prison.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
