I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
