the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
