Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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