So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
