her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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