So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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