help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
