I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
