He had one of those small greek statue penises
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
