Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The beer is more important than you right now.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
