Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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