Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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