I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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